Day 31: Accept Difficulty with Love

Today’s lesson was about doing something you find difficult, and lovingly practice it for five minutes.

I went a little above and beyond with this one today.  I chose a thirty-five minute flow entitled “Half Crow.”  Crow Pose is one of my favorite poses, but it is also very difficult for me to do.  It’s probably one of the harder arm-balance poses out there.  The flow taught me some new ways to practice building strength and stability leading up to Crow Pose.  It also gave me so new insight into my body positioning and whatnot.  With all of this help… guess what?!?!  I went from being able to hold Crow Pose for about 2-3 seconds at a time to holding it for 10+ seconds at a time today!!

I still am not ready for the advanced moves they were doing, but I had so much fun practicing.  I went into the practice with an open heart.  When I found myself getting discouraged, I took a deep breath and tried again.  With my open heart, I accepted where I am at today and the rest just unfolded.  It was such a beautiful moment for me.  I was alone in the living room with no witnesses… just me and my mat.  I couldn’t have asked for a better moment for this to happen.  Of course afterword, I ran into the kitchen to share the news and then demonstrate again!

The reading from Meditations from the Mat dove into the third yama, asteya, or nonstealing.  This reading was a great reminder that we all steal in some way or another, whether we realize it or not.  Using time at work for activities unrelated to work, skimming from your taxes, items borrowed that we never returned.  Gates points out that we often make excuses for our stealing behaviors: having a bad day at work or even the power of want overriding our values.

Gates says that when we let go of wanting, we ultimately get what we want.  It’s just that act of letting go of things and leaving it with the universe to handle.  I’ve been trying to do more of this in my life, but I am a self-admitted control freak.  I have a hard time letting go of things.  I like to see things through, to control the process so that I know things get done.  Which is perhaps why I always find myself under a lot of stress.  I have been a lot less stressed lately, so I must be doing something right!

I am going to try to be more productive at work, remembering to return things, and just being more honest in general.  I feel like those things tend to weigh us down, whether or not we notice that extra weight.  Here’s to feeling lighter!

Day 30: Opening Up

Today’s lesson was to notice where in your body you are opening up during each pose.  For my practice this morning I did a quickie flow focused on twists.  I was feeling pretty stiff in my back, and thought this might be beneficial to me today.  Unfortunately, I also didn’t get out of bed super quick, which is why I had to choose a shorter flow.

During my practice, I really felt the sides of my waist opening up.  I know this might seem to be a weird place to feel an opening, but it was happening.  Perhaps it was because I felt so tight this morning.  Who am I kidding, though?  My whole body is feeling pretty tight!  Anyway, I could feel the warmth building in my sides through each twist and with every breath that I twisted a little deeper into.

Today’s reading from Meditations from the Mat focused on working through obstacles in order to further our practice… that we can’t even imagine what yoga can do for us, we must experience it ourselves.  How profound is that?  I think it truly speaks to life in general… we have to experience life in order to really get it.

I’ve been doing my personal yoga challenge now for thirty days!  I can’t even believe an entire month has gone by… but it has been the most transformative month of my life.  I feel like I am really taking hold of my life, and playing a more active role in my life.  I’m taking charge!

Within the last thirty days, I have done so many things I didn’t think I could do.  Most of them being completely mental/emotional..

1. I reached out to an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in close to two years.  I said a lot of things that should have been said long ago, and I got the same gift in return.  We both spoke our truths.  We are now working on re-building our friendship.
2. I am taking my spirituality pretty seriously these days.
3. I am saying “no” to things and flat-out stating how I want to spend my time.
4. I reached out to that friend I was having a conflict with recently via email.  I said what I felt like I needed to say… I spoke my truth.  It’s been a day since I sent it, but I haven’t heard back from her.  I am not sure that I will, but I am at peace with that.  Truly.
5. I have not been such a bulldog when my husband and I are having a disagreement… we’ve had a lot less disagreements turning into full-blown arguments.

It might not seem like much to the average person looking in, but to me these are big changes.  I am finding more happiness in every day life… I feel so much more lighter emotionally… I am not getting as stressed about things as I once was.  Things are looking up for me.

I can also feel some physical changes in my body, too.  I feel like my core has become a lot stronger.  I am learning how to more appropriately hold my body in certain poses.  I can feel some lengthening and loosening in certain muscles.

Here’s to another 30 days!!

Days 28 & 29: Rolling with Resistance

Yikes!  I missed posting yesterday!  I had such a busy (in a good way) morning and afternoon, so I can’t say I am totally sorry that I missed my post yesterday!

Day 28:  Yesterday’s lesson revolved around being at ease with whatever emotions you are feeling in the moment.  I had a ton of emotions swirling in me all day yesterday.  I woke up feeling a little cranky because my seasonal allergies have gotten pretty bad.  I sat with the emotions, but had difficulty feeling at ease with them.  How does one exactly feel at ease with crankiness?  I focused on trying to accept those feelings, and had minimal success.  Later on, I felt very nervous.  I was meeting up with my best friend who I haven’t spoken to for nearly two years.  Again, it felt difficult to feel at ease with my nervousness.  I took the same approach and tried to just focus on accepting how I felt… I also attempted to just accept that whatever will be, will be and there was no sense in worrying so much about it.  At the end of the day, I just experience pure happiness.  That was way easier to feel at ease with.

As I thought about this lesson, I began to wonder if accepting the emotions was the same thing as feeling at ease with them?  I think in some ways it is, but not totally.  When we accept something, we don’t judge it necessarily.  I think feeling at ease with something means judging it, but having acceptance which leads to feeling at ease.  Maybe?

The weather around here has been improving so nicely!  Yesterday was sunny and in the 70’s all day.  Paul and I got to a local park in the morning that has a fun fitness trail through the woods.  You know the ones… where you run the trail and you stop at each station to do the prescribed exercise.  We enjoy doing them a lot, and it was a great day to get out.  I made a small step toward overcoming my (ridiculous) fear of the vault jump station.  Every time in the past I have attempted it, I get my feet caught and fall on my face.  I tried going to the end and just getting my butt over the bar.  I got my thigh caught on the corner of the bar, and now I have a nice purple bruise.  After our run, we did some yoga poses in the grass to cool down and stretch.  I love some of the newer poses that I have been learning as they really give a great stretch after running.  That was my yoga practice for the day… putting together my own little sequence to aid in stretching.

Day 29:  The lesson for today was noticing any feelings of resistance that come up, and acknowledging that part of your life which is doing the resisting.  I can’t say I’ve really been able to complete this task today as I don’t feel like I have felt any resistance today.  I usually start my day with the intention to let things come to pass, accept my day with an open heart, etc.  This one I will keep on the back burner for another day!

For my practice today, I did a few rounds of sun salutations.  Sun salutations are so important to one’s practice.  It’s a great way to warm up for some of the more intense parts of your flow.  However, it holds a much greater meaning that I don’t think many people realize.

In the Hindu culture, the sun is seen as the heart of the universe and the creator of all things.  The sun salutation flow is a means of honoring the sun.  These prayers are offered the Lord Surya, the chief solar deity.  To learn a little more about sun salutations, check out this article from Yoga Journal.  

DAY 27: Invite Inner Stillness

Today’s lesson was to set the intention for your practice to invite inner stillness.  This is something that I try to do when I set onto my mat every day.  Yoga for me isn’t just a workout, it is becoming a spiritual practice.  I think to treat it as such, there should be some sort of spiritual intention set before you begin.  Sometimes, for me, it isn’t a formal intention.  I don’t pause and take the time to say it out loud or in my head.  Sometimes it is just the passing moment for me, when I am setting everything up thinking about what my practice will be today.  Maybe it should be more formal, but I think it’s okay for it to be informal too.

I did not do a long, full flow today.  Instead, I focused on some stretching.  My shoulders are particularly sore today, and possibly not in a good way.  I wanted to give them some rest and some love.

Today’s reading from Meditations from the Mat discussed more about satya, or the truth.  It is apparently common for people to question,”Just how honest should I be if…”.  This type of behavior is likened to someone who says they want to pursue sobriety, but that the holiday season is approaching and it’d best wait until after the new year.  That just sounds ridiculous, right?

I can’t say that I have never done this… never made excuses for not changing in a way that is obviously beneficial to me.  I did all the time when it came to eating right and working out.  I still do it!  When I finally made the decision to eat right and exercise, I had planned to do it on New Years Day.  But then, something in me couldn’t let it go.  I started my goal in November… two months before New Years Day, and right at the start of the holiday season.  Crazy, right?  Well, I did it… and I lost thirty pounds!  That was a time when I spoke my honest truth to myself… my life changed.

So why is it so hard to do it in everyday life?  For me, I think it stems from feeling guilty about being truthful with myself.  Let me explain.  I have grown up always feeling responsible for helping others out, doing what others want me to do, etc.  If I didn’t comply, I felt immense guilt.  For some reason, I guess I felt like I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted.

For years I had a friendship with someone who is chronically ill.  I answered phone calls at 3:00am, text messages day/night, stood by her when others didn’t/wouldn’t, gave everything I could to support her.  I tried to be truthful with her on several occasions, but I could never really do it.  I felt suffocated.  I felt overwhelmed.  It was so emotionally hard for me to watch her deteriorate over the years, and yet I still was there 100%.  Our friendship turned more into a co-dependency.  I felt guilty for not checking in on her every day, or if I couldn’t visit with her in the hospital, or missed a text message during the night because I was in that deep of a sleep.  I felt so incredibly guilty.  I cried so much over it.

I recently spoke my truth to her, and it broke our friendship.  We haven’t spoken in weeks.  She said some hurtful things, and I was finally honest about how hurt I did feel… and why I couldn’t answer her beck-and-call over the last couple of months.  And it broke our friendship.  Part of me feels terribly about that, but the other part is relieved that I finally got it off my chest.  I still want to be friends, but I cannot be all that I was before… it ate me alive.

I also practiced satya when reaching out to an old friend, someone who I considered my sister.  We were instant friends, we called each other family.  She was my Maid of Honor at my wedding.  Somehow, we drifted apart… for two years.  I recently found her on Facebook and decided to reach out.  We are meeting up tomorrow for lunch… I have so much nervous excitement about our meeting tomorrow.

During our first initial conversation, I was more honest with her than I had ever been.  I expressed my regrets, said that I was sorry for my part in what happened, and told her how much I loved and missed her over the last two years.  I was prepared for her to not respond, to tell me off.  She didn’t.  We had an honest conversation, and then talked like nothing had ever come between us.  It’s really been a beautiful experience so far.

I am also trying to be more truthful with my husband.  There are times when your partner might ask if something is wrong, and clearly there is, but you lie and deny that anything is wrong.  I did this a lot… I just wanted to avoid a conflict.  I didn’t want to fight.  Eventually, it would build up and I would explode.  I have been trying to be more truthful in a loving way.  I am happy to say that it seems to be wearing off… he has been mirroring my actions.

#PetsLoveUsDoingYoga

I am trying to open my Instagram account to like-minded yogis and yoginis.  I am loving scrolling through various asanas that people are practicing every day.  I came across this super-cute yoga challenge for the month of May:

As you can see from several of my postings with photos, my dog Elvis is very involved in my yoga practice.  He loves to watch, be near me, and offer me kisses when I am in various asanas.  I figured I would share out Day 1 selfie with everyone here!  Aren’t we an adorable pair?

You can also check out my Instagram page to see each day’s postings!